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it’s been so long. i don’t know where to begin. i don’t know where my followers are but here goes nothin….

i truly miss this. i haven’t been happy in a long time. today is my birthday and I turn 27. on sunday I found out that the man that i adore and was truly in love with, never felt the same about me. he was with me for selfish purposes only. my heart is pained and so heavy at this time. i’ll make this short because i will be getting off of work soon. but it’s time to make changes. i have to save my life, and protect my heart.



This was very unexpected. I originally said we will never be more than friends. But this man, I want him so bad.. He came back into my life and this past week he has done more for us than I can ever imagine. Yes I’m scared. But I’m trying to learn how to trust again.

Why does things always have to be confusing for me? When I least expect it something new comes up when I’m already confused abt where I’m at. So…..this guy from my past came back from no where and TOTALLY shocked me. I didn’t know what to say….at all. I still don’t know what to say.

We were always cool, so it was really nice to hear from him and see him after so many years. He’s such a nice person and we both have been through a lot these past few years. And hearing him talk is actually like a breath of fresh air. He makes it clear that all he wants is for me to get to know him…that statement is like 180 degree difference from the situation I just got out of. I was being pressured to jump into something that I wasn’t ready and wasn’t quite sure that I even wanted.

Not sure what’s next for me….. I never know. But all I can do is take it one day at a time.

It’s been awhile but I’m here. With everything going on I haven’t had much inspiration to write. Nothin much going on except I’m at a place right now where my head is clear and it feels so good! I went back to school to finish my Bachelors….but I took another break. But good news is, I only have two more classes to complete. My daughter is happy and healthy and will be 5 next month. We have two mini vacas planned and we’re happy. We got a fish!!!!!! He’s blue and adorable, Rae named him Jack lol. Ummm, I gave her father another chance, despite what family and friends said and he moved in a couple weeks only to realize that this wouldn’t work. But in the end, I proved it to myself….I couldn’t just listen to other ppl. So….I’m happy and content with just my daughter and I in our one bedroom apartment.

This year I wish to save more money, spend more quality time with Rae, simplify our lives, get more financially stable, and to learn who the true ME is!!!!!!

Depression: may be described as feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods.
True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer.

I was in the hospital last week….my doctor told me to go to the ER bc of the way I was feeling. They tried to send me somewhere but instead my parents came and got me and I spent a couple nights at their house. I’m home now.

I went to see my doctor, he increased my medicine. I feel un attached and distant from life though…like I’m on the outside lookin in. I have an appt with a specialist next week. I just wanna feel normal.